I Can't Sit Still

The older I get, the shorter my attention span becomes. Not so much with watching a television show, reading a book or sticking with something designated – for the most part, I’ve always been able to stay the course with a specific task. I’m learning, though, that with my life, in general, this isn’t quite the case.

The World Race was an extremely good fit for me in that the setup allowed me to focus on a particular ministry, or way of life, for approximately one month, and then I would get to move on to something new. Something exciting. Something equally as worthwhile. Don’t get me wrong. Prying sticky hands from their bear-hug lock around my legs or giving one, indefinite, last kiss to a dirt-caked cheek was NEVER easy – I’m not all that good at “goodbye.” But I’m really good at anticipation! After a few months of The Lord routinely delivering one incredible adventure after another, I grew quite accustomed to, and fond of, a lifestyle of such.

Saying "Goodbye" to this Cambodian cutie, Pauleon, was one of the toughest separations I experienced all along! (Photo courtesy of Karen Thyer)

I knew before I ever arrived back at home that such an inclination could cause some difficulty for me. As excited as I’ve been about seeing long-lost family and friends, catching up on how diverse, but similar, our lives have been over the past year or so, spending some “down-time” and enjoying the blessings of the wonderful community I grew up in, old habits die hard. Every few weeks or so, I start to get “the itch.” My eyes wander to the ever-growing pile of clothes in my bedroom floor and I mentally assess the most efficient way to pack them all in my suitcase. I experience overwhelming longings to peruse transportation schedules – websites for airlines, buses and trains are some of my top visited. I keep a consistent count of exactly how much money I might need to get from point A to point B, accounting for travel, food and lodging expenses, and I skimp on every penny necessary.

More than anything, though, I feel an immense draw to simply, “Go!”

Someone recently told me that at least for this time in my life, they could sense that it would be difficult for me to be satisfied staying in any place for very long. “It’s like you have Missionary ADD,” they joked, and maybe they weren’t far off. In the six months that I’ve been “off the mission field,” I’ve been presented multiple opportunities to head right back out, giving me tastes of desire and desperation unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

“God, I want to go!” I’ve often whined. “Send me anywhere! I’m bored, and I feel useless.” Alas, He has repeatedly soothed my groaning, sometimes gently and sometimes not so much, with reminders that He has had me exactly where I was supposed to be, all along.

This season at home has certainly had purpose. It’s easily been the loneliest I have ever felt in my life, but in that, I’ve begun to lean on Him to fill the voids that people, no matter how hard they try or how desperately I may want them to, can simply never fill. There have been days when He’s been frustratingly quiet, but in that, I’m learning to be patient and to wait upon Him. I’ve been forced to trust that He has a plan and that it’s for my benefit. These are daily lessons, for sure, and I’ve by no means mastered any of them, but I’m thankful to be learning.

And I am admittedly thankful to FINALLY be headed into a new season of adventure with The Lord!

Exciting news! I am thrilled to say that I will be spending the month of March in Pawnee, Oklahoma, working with Pastor Jimmy and Penny Kenner, at Camp Crossway. I’ve prayed for this chance for several years, and at last the Lord has opened the door for me to go. In truth, I’m not sure what my time there will look like, but I have high hopes of building lasting relationships with some of the local youth, doing as much manual labor as they will let me get my hands on, maybe even herding the recently added flocks of sheep and goats, and most of all, seeking more of The Father’s heart for what He has in store for me!

My best friends, Jess, Becky and me standing atop The Hill of Hope at Camp Crossway, January 2014. This was moments after the Lord began to confirm that He was calling me back there!

Your prayers for this endeavor are invaluable to me. Pray that God will use this time to speak clearly to me about my future as a missionary. Pray that I will hear His voice. Pray that He will enable me to reach the communities there, to make an impact, and to trust His hand at work. Pray that He will provide adequate budgeting for a car, gas, food, the ability to help others, etc. I’m sure Jimmy and Penny would appreciate prayers, as well. They may not yet know what they’re getting themselves into! Most of all, pray that during a time that I trust will be filled with plenty of work to do, that I will discipline myself and make time to simply “sit still” before the Lord, to be reminded of the lessons He has been teaching me at home, and to continually apply those in my walk with Him.

If you would like to hear more about Camp Crossway and what I will be doing, if you feel led to help The Lord provide for my time there, or if you would like to partner with me on some specific prayer needs, please email me at ashleebcastle@gmail.com or leave a note in the comments section at the bottom of this post.

I would also love to hear about the season you are currently in with The Lord. Where’s He taking you? What’s He teaching you? Is it easy or difficult? How can I be praying for you?