From the Desk of a Substitute Teacher

Once upon a time, I thought I’d love to be a teacher. For years, I debated between pursuing degrees in English or Agriculture – my two favorite subjects throughout high school – and I knew that no matter which option I chose, I’d without-a-doubt become that ONE teacher that everyone always loved and remembered, not for simply teaching my subject matter, but for teaching great life lessons, as well.

My high school graduation, with Mrs. Kadi Ralston, one of those kinds of teachers I always hoped I would be!

Fast forward almost five years since I decided that education was NOT the career path for me, and where do I find myself today? In a high school classroom…

Since returning from the World Race, I’ve been blessed to spend numerous days as a substitute teacher in my alma mater school district, and boy have I gotten quite the education! Everyday, no matter if I’m teaching agriculture, humanities, algebra, world civilization or band, I’m learning things like:

1. Things are vastly different!

It’s been barely seven years since I walked these high school halls, but sometimes I hardly recognize the place. There are only six teachers still in the building that were teaching when I graduated, and only one that I actually had in class. Emphasis is placed on entirely new curricula, discipline is carried out in whole new facets, and the stereotypes that once dominated – band kid, ag kid, cheerleader, athlete, etc. – have all somehow blended into one unidentifiable blob known as “teenager.” In short, I’ve gotten old.

2. I was an insanely sheltered student!

From 6th-12th grade, I stayed on the Honors/AP track, which essentially means that I was with the same group of people for almost every class. We were relentlessly competitive, but we were definitely bonded in a unique way. We pushed one another to be above average, and over the years we developed our own semblance of societal norms – be a jerk to one, and hear about it from all of us; fail to take care of business, and get very little sympathy from those that put in their effort. If there was ever a case of someone refusing to do an assignment, I never heard about it. That is not so much the case these days. The only unified front I regularly see is unified defiance – I’m routinely told by students that they have no intention of completing assignments, and generally it makes no difference whether the person next to them diligently does theirs, either. Until now, I hardly realized how big of a blessing it was to have this kind of camaraderie with my classmates and friends, as well as how much it meant to have supportive parents who cared enough to make sure I cared, too!

Collectively, this group of people spent more time together than we did with our own families.

3. Every day holds pleasant surprises.

In their defense, high school students catch a very bad wrap, and often times it isn’t entirely accurate. They are people. Undeveloped, hungry, attention-seeking, awkward, undecided people. So often I believe that they have adult expectations placed on them without the benefit of having much (if any) adult experience. Most of them want the exact same thing you and I want – someone to care about them. Maybe that explains the rampant dating cycles or the incessant codependent tendencies (trust me – guys go to the bathroom in hoards just as often as the girls.) Given the chance, though, they will impress you. There are kids who pray longer than the allotted moment of silence, and their peers respect that time. There are students who get excited when given the chance to use lab equipment they otherwise rarely see. There are students who go all out on simple assignments, students who respectfully comply when they would clearly rather not, students who stand up for underdogs and students who take pride in everything they do.

For those students, sometimes I feel sorry. Truthfully, they fight a daily battle of crowded, chaotic hallways filled with peers who assure them that disrespect for authority is cool, that someone else will pay consequences for their actions, that they already know everything necessary to survive life and that from realities of a world full of hurt, they are immune. And who is fighting for all these kids?

Seniors ℅ 2007 in New York City! 

Sometimes it’s like I never left the mission field…

Don’t we all live in a world that seems more chaotic by the day, where truth or honor have almost no weight, where those around us advocate for “easy” and where the ultimate goal is to answer to no one but ourselves? Maybe Bowling for Soup said it best… “High School Never Ends.”

So how do we fix this? Unfortunately, I’m not sure my six-month tenure as a substitute qualifies me to give that answer… but I do have a few suggestions.

1. Prove that you care!

One morning on my way to work, I saw one of my students standing in the cold, waiting for his running-late-ride. I knew he had to be miserable, so I pulled into the driveway and offered him a lift. Granted, it’s probably an inadvisable move in the professional realm, but it seems more imperative to me that we exhibit human decency. People matter – even high school people – and they should know that.

2. Challenge them!

As people, we are wired to meet the level of expectation set for us. Expect nothing and that is what you will get. Give kids the chance to impress you, and then watch them do it!

3. Stop bailing them out!

My parents are great people, and I love them both, but no college professor or job supervisor has ever been interested in what my mom or dad thought. The best lessons I learned in high school were how to accept responsibility for my own actions, live with my results, and generally figure out how to manage by myself. There is no sense complaining about a failing society dependent on government aid if we’re teaching its citizens to be dependent from an early age. Push for some critical thinking and problem solving skills!

4. Be real!

Most of the students I’ve had can tell you a lot about me – mistakes included. I was a high school kid once, and I made a lot of dumb decisions, some of them at a price. I still mess up. It doesn’t hurt them to know that. If you want students to be open and honest with you, then practice what you preach.

Realistically, the world won’t change overnight. Neither will high school. But my prayer each morning I am here is that for at least one student I’ll make the day better, because for many of them the fact that they are even here at all is already a victory!

How are you promoting positive change for the youth in your life?

I Can't Sit Still

The older I get, the shorter my attention span becomes. Not so much with watching a television show, reading a book or sticking with something designated – for the most part, I’ve always been able to stay the course with a specific task. I’m learning, though, that with my life, in general, this isn’t quite the case.

The World Race was an extremely good fit for me in that the setup allowed me to focus on a particular ministry, or way of life, for approximately one month, and then I would get to move on to something new. Something exciting. Something equally as worthwhile. Don’t get me wrong. Prying sticky hands from their bear-hug lock around my legs or giving one, indefinite, last kiss to a dirt-caked cheek was NEVER easy – I’m not all that good at “goodbye.” But I’m really good at anticipation! After a few months of The Lord routinely delivering one incredible adventure after another, I grew quite accustomed to, and fond of, a lifestyle of such.

Saying "Goodbye" to this Cambodian cutie, Pauleon, was one of the toughest separations I experienced all along! (Photo courtesy of Karen Thyer)

I knew before I ever arrived back at home that such an inclination could cause some difficulty for me. As excited as I’ve been about seeing long-lost family and friends, catching up on how diverse, but similar, our lives have been over the past year or so, spending some “down-time” and enjoying the blessings of the wonderful community I grew up in, old habits die hard. Every few weeks or so, I start to get “the itch.” My eyes wander to the ever-growing pile of clothes in my bedroom floor and I mentally assess the most efficient way to pack them all in my suitcase. I experience overwhelming longings to peruse transportation schedules – websites for airlines, buses and trains are some of my top visited. I keep a consistent count of exactly how much money I might need to get from point A to point B, accounting for travel, food and lodging expenses, and I skimp on every penny necessary.

More than anything, though, I feel an immense draw to simply, “Go!”

Someone recently told me that at least for this time in my life, they could sense that it would be difficult for me to be satisfied staying in any place for very long. “It’s like you have Missionary ADD,” they joked, and maybe they weren’t far off. In the six months that I’ve been “off the mission field,” I’ve been presented multiple opportunities to head right back out, giving me tastes of desire and desperation unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

“God, I want to go!” I’ve often whined. “Send me anywhere! I’m bored, and I feel useless.” Alas, He has repeatedly soothed my groaning, sometimes gently and sometimes not so much, with reminders that He has had me exactly where I was supposed to be, all along.

This season at home has certainly had purpose. It’s easily been the loneliest I have ever felt in my life, but in that, I’ve begun to lean on Him to fill the voids that people, no matter how hard they try or how desperately I may want them to, can simply never fill. There have been days when He’s been frustratingly quiet, but in that, I’m learning to be patient and to wait upon Him. I’ve been forced to trust that He has a plan and that it’s for my benefit. These are daily lessons, for sure, and I’ve by no means mastered any of them, but I’m thankful to be learning.

And I am admittedly thankful to FINALLY be headed into a new season of adventure with The Lord!

Exciting news! I am thrilled to say that I will be spending the month of March in Pawnee, Oklahoma, working with Pastor Jimmy and Penny Kenner, at Camp Crossway. I’ve prayed for this chance for several years, and at last the Lord has opened the door for me to go. In truth, I’m not sure what my time there will look like, but I have high hopes of building lasting relationships with some of the local youth, doing as much manual labor as they will let me get my hands on, maybe even herding the recently added flocks of sheep and goats, and most of all, seeking more of The Father’s heart for what He has in store for me!

My best friends, Jess, Becky and me standing atop The Hill of Hope at Camp Crossway, January 2014. This was moments after the Lord began to confirm that He was calling me back there!

Your prayers for this endeavor are invaluable to me. Pray that God will use this time to speak clearly to me about my future as a missionary. Pray that I will hear His voice. Pray that He will enable me to reach the communities there, to make an impact, and to trust His hand at work. Pray that He will provide adequate budgeting for a car, gas, food, the ability to help others, etc. I’m sure Jimmy and Penny would appreciate prayers, as well. They may not yet know what they’re getting themselves into! Most of all, pray that during a time that I trust will be filled with plenty of work to do, that I will discipline myself and make time to simply “sit still” before the Lord, to be reminded of the lessons He has been teaching me at home, and to continually apply those in my walk with Him.

If you would like to hear more about Camp Crossway and what I will be doing, if you feel led to help The Lord provide for my time there, or if you would like to partner with me on some specific prayer needs, please email me at ashleebcastle@gmail.com or leave a note in the comments section at the bottom of this post.

I would also love to hear about the season you are currently in with The Lord. Where’s He taking you? What’s He teaching you? Is it easy or difficult? How can I be praying for you?